What does the future hold?
I sometimes wonder if all this time is leading up to something BIG or just plain empty nothingness. I would like nothingness, I think because everything is too much for me to handle.
From the time I was 2 cells old in a place so quiet and dark and peaceful, is that where I’m going back? Or is it going to be a place so crazy and filled with maniacs (a lot like my younger cousin sister’s birthday parties)?
I don’t know if you wonder, but I do. Sometimes drifting away into an alternate world where things are a lot simpler but so very different. I’m sitting in the library and studying about the Kreb’s cycle and the next minute, suddenly out of nowhere, I’m almost STUCK in nothingness, my head is chanting “THIS IS REAL!” over and over almost like I might forget if it wasn’t there to remind me. And I think of all the people around me in a flash of a second and wonder- Are they all real? And then I snap back into reality, all normal again. It’s almost as though an invisible hyponist is around me and dragging me away to some place I wish I knew and then swooshing me back.
Is this an indication of the place I’m coming from or where I’m going to, I don’t understand. It’s so beautiful, that feeling, but so scary at the same time. I just end up asking myself “Why this kolaveri?”
There are so many things about life and after that I’d like to know about, but that might just take the fun out of it, right? Let’s just keep it the way it is. A big secret under a pretty package with the bow hooked with the noose of, how to put it simply, death.