Black and White

(I wrote this poem for a competition today and won second, so thought of sharing it!)

I’m alone, all alone.

I’m the villian of my own tale.

I wish my life was more like anyone else’s,

Just not this 19 year old male.

The loneliness hits me when I’m in a crowd,

and yet, alone I am.

Is it me or is it everyone else? In my head,

Causing the bedlam?

I’ve lost my sense of balance

Standing on a broken floor,

Pity is not what I want, Sympathy- I hate all the more.

Black are the hopes of my future,

Casting its evil deathly shadow on my past.

It’s not just a time, it’s not recoverable,

It’s something that should just pass.
Black are all of my dreams, darkened in intensity by the bad decisions I made.

Black are the times that made me smile,

Now just memories to be erased.

It’s not that something happened, people just change,

I guess, right now, I’m just one of those people.

I don’t want anyone to hear me, but me.

I’m speaking to the ‘I’ inside of me.

He needs to know how broken I am,

Broken as ever could be.

As to every bee a hive, to every pig a sty (?!)

I’m searching for my home, my WHITE.

I don’t find them, so I’ll make them!

I will take my brush and I’m going to dip it all,

Soaking, shimmering blindingly almost, in white it shall be,

I will be the master of my own destiny. I’ll be the change I expect to see.

And so I start, the light white strokes to fix the blotched pictures in my head,

Still peeping out slightly through the thin white, a dark batch,

“But this is the right path,

And this is how I shall proceed.”, I said.
I sure tried, I might even win,

To bring balance and peace to my “I” within.

And just when I thought everything was fine,

I tripped and fell onto the broken floor. Creaking into its laughter,

At my fall, I just pick myself up and dust myself off.

My ego has fallen, that’s all.

I’m not all alone, there are whites in my blacks,

Slowly I drift away from my mental monochrome,

I forget about the people I love too often. I shouldn’t,

The people from a place I call home.

I must admit, it’s not the easiest task,

To be so far away from all you love and know.

I need to sleep sometimes, I can make mistakes,

It’s my inner darkness I fear the most.

Even heroes are allowed to cry, no reason to judge me by.

I save lives, mine needs saving, more than even now,

I need a reward, I need to be recognised, I need Love.

The black and white story of someone who seems so bright,

Someone in a red cape and a blue suit,

The boy from Smallville can be homesick too.

His emotions were just being held on mute.

There comes a time, every once in a while, he needs to vent.

He needs to shout it out!

To burst the darkness of his thoughts and replace it with the melting white nothingness.

And then he can say,”I’m fine. I’m Superman.”